It's summertime in the city. Although, you'd be hard pressed to remember it since rain beats down every other day in swathing sheets of thunder-mixed storms. But hey, that can be part of the fun too. Afterall, when's the last time the crack of thunder made me sit up in the middle of the night and briefly contemplate waking up my roomie to see if she was scared too? Anyway. It's now, July. In the next few weeks, I've got a bevy of change that's scheduled to take place. It seems that 2 years might be the sticking time before I get (as I've been told) "shpilkes". Despite my excitement, I'm starting to get scared. It's always frightening to try to do something different, and wonder aloud: Can I do this? Nay. Can I flourish at this? Am I ready?
It's taken me until 24, to just start getting comfortable with the notion that I should "let it ride". I don't mean let life take you places, blah blah blah, I'm still neurotic and I'm still a planner. No. I mean, it's taken me until 24 to be comfortable with letting The Me - the crazy parts, and the selfish parts, and the unfulfilled parts - ride. In essence, I'm taking ADLeonard's well-put advice to "rage more". Despite enduring the repercussions of my hysterical hissy fits or vulnerability, it's endlessly more liberating to know you were just being you. What a shame to be in my mid-twenties and just starting to give voice (or learn) what I want.
In that vein, however, recent changes:
- I dyed a streak in the back of my head bright pink. This is wonderfully entertaining. Everytime I catch my reflection or see other people elbowing each other in the ribs I feel an incredible sense of gleeful satisfaction.
- I leave for Oxford in a week. I'll be there for a month to study international law and international rights law of women. I am super excited.
- I've decided to go back to law school full time. The poverty is frightening, but the opportunities are encouraging.
Currently Listening: Langhorne Slim - "Be Set Free"
1 comments:
Is this new-found "let it ride" a sort of "living in the moment?" If so, I'm surprised you haven't been doing it all along. I find you to be PRESENT, and not longing for the past or impatiently awaiting the future. Sure, you're nostalgic and have your goals, but you have an awareness, a conscientiousness of how you are and what you do NOW. After all, you're self-proclaimed as awkward, which is a self-reflective knowledge that you have about yourself. You could not have come into this gem of wisdom (although I dispute it) without truly knowing, acknowledging, and accepting yourself for the way that you are. LOVE YOU! Please don't come back from England with a Madonna accent :)
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